Over the past few years I’ve done a lot of work in the personal growth department. I saw some character traits in myself that I wasn’t overjoyed to have to own up to, so I worked at change. It wasn’t easy, but then real change rarely is. Over time I’ve noticed a difference and I’ve been happy with how it has been working out so far.
One of the things I’ve worked hard at erradicating from my thoughts is envy. It serves no productive purpose and it fosters dissatisfaction with my life. It doesn’t motivate me to do things differently, it just makes me unhappy at what I may consider unfair. Envy is pretty much the opposite of everything I need to do to enjoy my current life path and to be a good friend and partner to those around me.
So far I have been really successful, and it has gone a long way in upping my happiness quotient. When the people I love tell me about great things that happen to them, my first thought is never “I wish that had happened to me.” I am geninely happy for them. I can go visit your beautiful new 4,000 square foot house and be so happy for you, and at the same time be perfectly happy to go home to my small house that’s only halfway remodeled. It doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t care about popularity or numbers of followers or what kind of car you drive. I really don’t.
Except for this one thing. I’m wrestling the green-eyed monster over one little thing and it’s pissing me right off. I’m pissed that I can’t get over it and just be happy for my friend. It doesn’t really matter what I’m jealous about, the fact that I’m jealous at all is what has me kicking my own ass around the block.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that this good thing has happened for my friend. It’s awesomely super fantastic in it’s awesomeness. But I want it for myself too. I am having a hard time with accepting, with this one little thing, that things are different for me and maybe it’s even ultimately all my own fault that they are.
And there’s the rub. It’s ultimately my own fault that it’s different for me. I have put myself in this situation, and maybe instead of being jealous I’m really just angry at myself.
Obviously I still have work to do in that department. Maybe I always will. But at least I can see how self-destructive this emotion is, and I’m working at changing it. I’m going to count that as a win.
I’m so jealous of your hard work paying off!
Jealousy and fear are two roadblocks to happiness that are really tough to get over. Like anything, it gets easier with practice though, so keep on it. I figure I’ve got another couple of lifetimes before I get there, but I strive to improve every day nevertheless.
.-= Dave2´s last blog ..Hammering =-.
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
@Dave2, I think I can count on a few more lifetimes to work it out myself, but I’m glad for forward progress. It’s definitely better than repeating the same old cycle of suffering!
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:54 am
i love that you recognize the behavior and are aware of it being a negative thing. that is truly a wonderful thing. hope you give yourself credit for that. because you are an incredibly fantastic woman.
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
@hello haha narf, I am glad that I can recognize it for what it is. I don’t know that I’ll be able to work it out completely this time around, but it won’t be for lack of trying.
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May 5th, 2010 at 10:09 am
<3
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
@Mew,
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May 5th, 2010 at 11:05 am
The thing that I try really hard to remember when feeling even the slightest tinge of jealousy is this…no matter what good things someone has, they always have one or two things that they are unhappy about and that I would not want in a million years. So, there is at least that!
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
@Hilly, That’s true, the grass is always greener on the other side of the street.
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May 5th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I find that envy usually comes when someone has/gets/does something that you feel you should do/have but just can’t seem to make happen.
I’ve found myself terribly envious over a woman who is younger than I am who is a working novelist and was, at the time of my jealously, dating Colin Farrell. Bitch stole my life and I was a deep, dark, green.
Sometimes the best you can do is recognize and try to change it.
xo
.-= Finn´s last blog ..Diptych Eighteen: Glee =-.
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
@Finn, In this case I had it – several times in fact. That I lost it is my own fault, and that’s what burns more I think. Anger at myself for letting myself down. XO
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Finn Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 5:54 am
@Lisa, Can you get it back? If it’s important to you, I bet it’s not that far out of reach.
.-= Finn´s last blog ..Diptych Eighteen: Glee =-.
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Lisa Reply:
May 13th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
@Finn, A week ago I would have said no, but now I think I can. I also think I just resolved my problem.
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Finn Reply:
May 14th, 2010 at 5:27 am
@Lisa, I’m thrilled to hear that! Go you!
.-= Finn´s last blog ..Contemplating The Spoon =-.
May 5th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
One of my grandma’s was ALWAYS jealous of what other people had. And no matter what she got, she was NEVER happy with it. She was also the type of person who hated anyone who she decided was of a higher standing than her. This led to so many problems in my family (she felt my mom’s parents were “show-offs” with money), that I’ve never taken jealousy too seriously. Are there things that other people have that I want? Of course! But am I truly unhappy with my life because I don’t have it? Positively not! And like others have said, no matter what you have, there are always things in your life that you’re unhappy about.
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Lisa Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
@Jessica, I know, and in every single other aspect of my life it doesn’t affect me. And my life is just fine as it is, I really have never been happier. It just bothers me that I’m letting this one thing bother me. I should just let it go.
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Oh yeah, one more thing…
I think some jealousy can be a wonderful thing. If seeing something you want pushes towards accomplishing a new goal, then I think it can be healthy.
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I think it’s cool that you’re acknowledging this one little thing that you still want to work on AND giving yourself credit for acknowledging it.
Watching other people go through real personal growth is so inspiring – so thanks for sharing.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..It’s this or cigarettes. Or, possibly, shaking my child. =-.
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Lisa Reply:
May 13th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
@Miss Britt, It has taken me a long time to acknowledge my faults, let alone start working on them. I’m taking it one step at a time!
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May 13th, 2010 at 5:44 am
I envy your ability to get rid of envy.
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..My Interview with that Chinese guy who killed all the kids. =-.
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May 14th, 2010 at 6:57 am
I love the honesty and insight of this post, Lisa. I think your take on it is as good as it gets for anyone. There are situations in life that we can rise above intellectually, but emotionally, we’re still human. No matter how much logic you apply, some things are just really hard to get past.
I know exactly where you’re coming from.
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July 9th, 2010 at 5:27 am