Chocolate Beagle

I have always heard that you don’t let dog’s eat chocolate because it will kill them, or at least make them very sick. I guess I thought it was some kind of doggy kryptonite that acted like poison in their system. Turns out not exactly. How do I know this?

My poor ginger Beagle has an allergy to something we haven’t figured out yet that gives her hives all over her body. She scratches herself until she bleeds if it goes untreated so to counteract the hives she has to take a steroid pill every day. Unfortunately steroids do the same things to dogs that they do to humans – they constantly think they’re starving and they are moody beyotches.

Sasha has gone from affectionate but kind of aloof to a needy pet me now, pet me now, pet me NOW lapdog with emotional issues. (anyone that says dogs don’t have emotions and moods has never actually HAD a dog) And she eats anything and everything she can get her face on if we’re not really careful.

Anyway, Monday night I found that she had locked herself in the office. I didn’t think much about it, I just let her out. She likes to go in there and torment Benito, our chinchilla, whenever she has the chance so that door is usually closed to keep her out. This morning hubs came into the bathroom while I was getting ready, because we’re all the mystery is gone like that, with a handful of chocolate wrappers. I had put a bunch of Lindt truffles and a bag of chocolate coins in his Christmas stocking, and mutant that he is, he still hadn’t eaten them all.

Who let’s chocolate just sit around uneaten for two whole months anyway?

At first I thought he was accusing me of raiding his chocolate stash, which was probably a valid thought because there is a statute of limitations on chocolate neglect, and sooner rather than later it becomes fair game for the first person who comes across it. I’m just sayin’.

But no, it wasn’t the fat girl. It was the crazy Beagle with an eating disorder, and the proof was in the pile of fang-punctured wrappers. Apparently Monday night Sasha ninja’d herself into the office to have a little chocolate binge. Because that’s what you do when you’re riding the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with the steroid psychosis, right? That’s what I do anyway. Hubs I don’t know. Anyone who just lets chocolate sit has issues I don’t even want to begin to think about.

Now that it’s two days later and clearly she’s fine I can laugh about it, but I probably would have had a heart attack and rushed her to the emergency vet in the middle of the night to get her stomach pumped had I known about it sooner. I also know now that it’s the caffeine in chocolate that’s bad, that it gives dogs high blood pressure, and that’s what can sicken or kill an older or less healthy dog instead of some poisonous ingredient.

I also know to hide my stash a lot better than hubs because a Beagle who snarfs up my emergency chocolate is going to go down. All the way to Chinatown.