I’ve started a class that is helping me learn to meditate. Part of the class is, of course, practice. Every evening after everyone else is (supposedly) in bed, I get out my zafu and mat and set my timer. The first week it was just 10 minutes, and all we were supposed to do was maintain posture and keep our mind on our breath.
Sounds easy, right?
Here’s how it went.
Rustle, rustle, rustle, settle, settle, settle….I finally got in position and set the timer. I rested my hands on my knees and closed my eyes and just put my mind on my breath.
In. Out. Feel it fill the belly.
Cough, cough, snoorrrrrrk! (The boy has caught a cold.)
Back to the breath….in…out….fill the belly….
SLAM!! Wooof wooof wooofffff..wooof! Sasha, who never barks at noises outside, has suddenly decided the neighbor’s car door is TOTALLY NOT OK!
No! Back to the breath! Mind on the breath….calm breaths…in through the nose…
HACKA HACKA HACKA SNIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFF…..
Mother fu… mind on the breath…only the breath….
(from the back of the house) Coco! No! Lay down! stomp stomp…Why can’t you…mumble mumble mumble….CRASH as the bedroom door gets almost ripped off the hinges…stomp stomp stomp down the hallway and outside with the dog…
What the shit??? Serenity now! The breath…remember the breath….
How long has it been? Surely it’s been 10 minutes. How long is 10 minutes anyway? It’s only 10 minutes!
Remember….breathe in…..breathe out…
SNNNOOOOOOOOORRRKKKKKK!!
Jeezus fuckballs, people! What do I have to do to get a little quiet? SERENITY NOW, BITCHES! SERENITY NOW! RIGHT NOW!
Somehow I think that was a little counter-productive.
Do you have a garage or someplace you could go that it is quiet? My favorite part is “Serenity now, BITCHES!”.
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November 17th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
If I promise to quote you, can I please please please add “serenity now bitches” to my daily mantra & vocabulary?? I DESPERATELY am in need of “serenity now bitches” (all royalities go to L.M.Stoner)…
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Lisa Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:19 am
@syd, Whatever gets you through the day!! It’s a good mantra!
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November 18th, 2009 at 12:02 am
The problem with this meditation crap is that you have to wake up at 3 am in order to have the peace and quiet necessary to actually attempt to meditate. And then you’ll just fall asleep.
Perhaps you could download some white noise to your iPod to use while meditating?
.-= Finn´s last blog ..500 Words =-.
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Lisa Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:17 am
@Finn, I have a meditation timer app on my iPhone and it has a white noise background option that I’ve started using. Now I listen to the plinky plinky rain sounds and all is happy again!
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November 18th, 2009 at 7:01 am
@Hilly, It’s usually pretty quiet at night in my house, but I did start using the rain sounds white noise on the meditation timer and that helps. Part of the process is learning to ignore all that, I’m just not there yet.
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November 18th, 2009 at 8:11 am
The axe thinks the wheel is hard.
Good luck and best practice getting sharp.
.-= Crispy King´s last blog ..Creamy baked penne & cheese =-.
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Lisa Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
@Crispy King, My skull is definitely hard. And not sharp.
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November 18th, 2009 at 8:15 pm