A while back I was accused of using my ability to put words and phrases together to intimidate people. I was told that it was a sign of my arrogance that I use my words in a way that makes others feel inferior.
The truth of the matter is that I write because I can’t speak. It’s like I have verbal dyslexia because I mean one word but another word entirely comes out of my mouth, and I end up sounding like a moron. I’m not fond of sounding like a moron so I tend to keep my mouth shut.
Instead I write. If I have something important I need to say to you, I will write you a letter or an email because I can try to better get my point across. I can read over what I have written and make changes, whereas once I open my mouth it’s too late. You can’t reel it back in at that point and it doesn’t matter what you say after spitting your foot out, those words are already out there.
The only drawback to writing is that you can’t introduce inflection and expression. It is more difficult to inject tone. I think that’s where I go wrong because I can write something with the best of intentions and still be found arrogant if that’s how this person views me in the first place. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that once we put something out there it’s no longer solely ours. It’s now subject to the interpretations of our readers/listeners and can come off as something entirely different than we meant. Like a bad game of telephone.
Can you tell I’m having interpersonal relationship issues lately?
How about you? What’s your preferred modus communicatus?
If words are how we express our experience of the world, than I can unequivocally say that your experience has had to have been a rich one. I have never found your writing to be arrogant or dismissive, and I can say from prior knowledge that even at your worst, you are still remarkably eloquent and expressive. Wanting to make sure that you say everything that you want to…and nothing you don’t…is not bad…it’s just careful. And I checked…you don’t ever sound like a moron, so you can shut right up about that. Trust me…you never want to have the verbal poops like some people we could name…
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November 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I always prefer face to face but that is more because *I* am supremely sarcastic so it’ s easier on others, haha. Also though, as I mentioned yesterday, I am a great judge of character but if things start to fall down, it’s easier for me to look at someones face to see if they are full of crap of not.
I hate it when people think words equate with arrogance…pffft.
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November 18th, 2008 at 8:33 am
OMG, my first husband used to accuse me of that exact thing! He often said I deliberately used “big words” [more than 2 syllables, ahem] just to make him feel stupid. Like he needed any help with that!
I much prefer writing because I am too emotional. I get all worked up and say things wrong. Or start crying, which makes me appear weak. But as you mentioned, tone and inflections don’t translate in writing, and people can easily misinterpret what you say. It’s happened to me many times. Maybe I should just stop trying to communicate at all …
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November 20th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I get what you’re saying, but don’t shy away from using your mouth muscles too much. A very wise fellow let me know a secret: “as we age we see other adults only do the things they believe they are good at and avoid the things they believe they are bad at.”
Indeed you an eloquent pensmistress. Tragically, verbal interaction is mandatory and the better you are at it the more well rounded and full you can make your life. Try taping yourself. Just audio is good, video is better. When I did both of these things I was surprised at how much of a twerpy jerk I can be. Like going to the gym I worked out at being a better speaker, becoming more familiar with how other people see me, how I present myself. You are an outgoing, wonderful floating princess, and you rob everyone of your grace when you opt out of the verbalparty.
I’m not saying you should drop the pen, I’m saying don’t forget your abilities, your possibilities, are not frozen or fixed.
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November 21st, 2008 at 10:40 pm