Cheese, Bitches!

I think I mentioned before that I’m on a quest.  I do this every year.  I pick a food and then I set out to find the perfect recipe.  One year it was tortilla soup.  Once it was clam chowder, although I don’t think I ever settled on one great recipe for that so I’m open to suggestions (hint, hint!).

This year it is macaroni and cheese.  I’m not talking the kind in the blue box, although that’s pretty much all we had as a kid.  Once in a while my Nanna would make homemade mac & cheese, but she wasn’t a fan of dairy so hers was the kind you made by putting milk and flour in a bowl with cooked macaroni and chunks of cheese.  It was some tasty yum, especially with the browned, almost petrified macaroni on the top (isn’t that the best part?). I loved that stuf.  But that’s not what I want.

I don’t want any stinkin’ fancypants stinky cheese mac and cheese either.  I’ve tried the kind where you buy three different cheeses and mix them all together and sprinkle an especially stinky one on top.  Those never melt right and you end up with a dish of greasy, separated, congealed mess that cost you $40 just to buy the cheese.

I’m looking for the creamy, saucy, uber-cheesy kind that makes your eyes roll back in your head and your lactose intolerance kick into overdrive.  The kind made with American cheese.  Block-o-cheese.  You know, guv’ment cheese.  Ghetto mac.  The real deal.

I received the supa-dupa top secret recipe in an email.  I can’t tell you about it under penalty of death and diarrhea*, but I must say it looks promising.  I have it on good authority (I would link you here Jessica but you gots no blog.  You should fix that!) that Kraft American cheese is the way to go, but not any ordinary Kraft American cheese.  It has to be the block.  Loaf.  Whatever.  The kind you can’t buy in the stores anymore because we’re all askeered of the trans-fats and anything with the word processed.

I am not afraid.  Oh no.

I searched in the stores and when I came up empty I searched the interwebs and lo, I found cheese.  My good friend Amazon sent me cheesy goodness in abundance.  No, really – aBUNdance!  Get a load of my cheese bitches!

Yes, those are 2-pound blocks.  I have four pounds of American cheese.

Let there be mac.  And chesse.

*not really, but it sounded funny