So today was the Big Day.
Despite my fears, the actual procedure was a walk in the park – I have vague recollections of something, but nothing clear, and already even the vague thought has faded. Prior to the main event they had me all hooked up to monitors and IV’s, and I could literally watch my blood pressure rise by the minute I was so nervous, but it ended up being a nice nap after being up most of the night before with operation Flush the System and I woke up in recovery when it was all done.
The day before though? I’d love to erase that from my memory.
Let’s just say that I’m very glad I won’t be doing that again anytime soon and it has nothing to do with my fear of fasting. The potion they make you drink that will clean you out like Liquid Plumber has been sent directly from the bowels (haha) of hell. I fired up the Googler to find ways to make it go down easier because there’s a gallon of the devil liquid and it doesn’t like to go quietly.
Colonoscopy Tip #1: Get the Elixir of Evil as cold as humanly possible without actually freezing it and chug it. A little brain freeze is better than instant bodily rejection. Also? Mary Poppins was right – A spoonful of sugar, or in this case Crystal Light, really does help make the medicine go down.
I did learn, during my hours of quality bathroom time, that if there is nothing for it to mix with except clear liquids, green Jello comes out the very same color it goes in. This was knowledge I did not have before my grand adventure with alien probes, so I’m chalking the whole thing up as a learning experience.
Colonoscopy Tip #2: when they tell you no red or purple liquids, take my advice and avoid green as well. The shock just isn’t worth it.
Oh, and you totally know I weighed myself this morning because I wanted to know just how full of it I usually am, and it turns out exactly two pounds worth.
And thus ends the TMI section of our program.
Note: I wrote this yesterday but hesitated to publish because of the yuck factor. Who really wants to hear about my experience with the colonoscopy? But then I realized that it’s because no one initiates these conversations that we’re afraid of this kind of thing. The more we bring the scarier but necessary parts of life into the open, the less we fear them. At some point everyone goes through this, and if I can reassure one person that the actual doing of the thing isn’t nearly as bad as they were thinking I’m ok with a little ewwwieness here.
Thanks for publishing it. BESIDES the fact that it made me giggle, you’re right – it might help someone else be less scared!
Miss Britt´s last [type] ..On Karen
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 9:58 am
@Miss-Britt – When talking about your colon, giggling is the only way to go!
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Angie Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 11:44 am
@Lisa,
I agree colonoscopy is not a pleasant procedure nor is the yucky stuff they want you to drink the nite before!! Let’s hope you never have to have a barium enema..lol!! Those are even worse!! Been there done that too..total YUCK!!
Miss ya chica!!
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
@Angie, I’m drawing the line at anything with the word barium in it!
Miss you too!
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Me, actually: with what my body’s been doing for the past 10 months or so combined with family history, I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll be facing a colonoscopy sooner or later, so thank you!
Do you know how long before you’ll get results?
Chibi Jeebs´s last [type] ..HYC- Week 32 – Choices good and bad
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Finn Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 9:27 am
@Chibi Jeebs, You should know immediately if they find any polyps or anything. They snip the polyps off and then biopsy them. I don’t know how long it takes to get the biopsy results (probably no more than a week, I’d think) because (knock wood) I’ve never had to have one.
I even got a photo of my colon the last time, along with a written report.
Finn´s last [type] ..Believe It
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:00 am
@Chibi Jeebs – You get them immediately in the recovery room, complete with pictures. Luckily the printer was broken yesterday and I was spared the gory details!
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:16 am
Dave Barry wrote about his colonoscopy and didn’t shy away from the yuck factor. You’re in good company.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/v-print/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:03 am
@Barbara Handley – I love Dave Barry!
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:24 am
I think the funniest part is when everything coming out of you is liquid. I have a weird sense of humor.
I highly recommend taking the pills instead of the evil liquid if you can swallow horse pills. You pretty much take the pills the way you take the liquid (every 15 minutes for however long). Much easier, I think.
Finn´s last [type] ..Believe It
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:13 am
@Finn – THERE ARE PILLS??? Why did no one tell me this??? I feel so violated now.
For me the funniest part was when the nurse told me they fill you up with air so they can see and “just let the farts fly honey, because you have to get it out.” Because farts are ALWAYS funny.
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:24 am
purple stuff come out bright green too!
glad to hear it wasn’t a horrifying experience.
how was that awesome first meal, you posted the photo of?
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:16 am
@Mew – Omigod it was the best thing I ever ate!
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Thanks for giving us the straight poop.
Avitable´s last [type] ..Has Twitter killed blogging Discuss
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
@Avitable, You said poop…
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August 11th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
I LOVE hearing things this intimate.
TheQueen´s last [type] ..Friend 2 made me a bithday cake with cheese and a crouton
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Lisa Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
@TheQueen, See I thought this would skeeve everyone out. You just never know!
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August 11th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I think this post *is* great because itches so informative! Who else is gonna let peole know the real deal about colonoscopy goodness?
I’m just glad you made it through okay!
Hilly´s last [type] ..Children Of Mercy And Grace…
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Lisa Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
@Hilly, Well it was touch-and-go for a while during the devil juice drinking part, and there may have been some tears, but I made it
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August 15th, 2010 at 10:12 pm