At the beginning of the year I embarked on Project 365.  It’s been a little over a month and so far I think it’s going well.  I managed to take a photo for all but one day, so I’m counting that as a win because sometimes there just isn’t any one thing about a day that stands out to you to photograph.  I will admit to phoning it in on more than one occasion, but I did get a good number of shots I really liked.  Below are my favorites from January.

I’m just going to say it.  I’ve been struggling.

These past couple of months have been hard, in several different ways that I’m not going to talk about because I’m not a sharer like that.  It’s enough that they have been hard.

My struggle hasn’t so much been with the parts that have been hard, but with the dilemma of how to react to them in ways that would make them not be so hard now and in the future.  One of those reactions has involved what to do with this space, because clearly I’m not using it effectively anymore, if I ever did at all.

Things are changing.  I’m changing.  Again.  Well, I should say still because the one thing that is always constant is change, right?  I have toyed with the idea of just stopping with the blog, but that doesn’t seem to be the right thing.  I’ve done that before and missed it terribly.  So I will continue in this sporadic, maybe even somewhat anemic, fashion until things become more clear.

But I need to step away from a few things.  I am in this mood to circle my wagons, to draw my few close peoples very close around me, and hunker down in a cave for a while.   Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned lately it’s who my friends really are.  And also that I have reached a zero tolerance level for bullshit and facades.

I don’t know why I feel compelled to even make this statement, other than the fact that when people disappear for a while without some sort of notice it never goes well upon re-entry.

Not that I plan on disappearing, per-se.  Just that I plan to not be around as much.  I am limiting my online time because there’s no internet connection in the middle of the cave, yo.  I’ll still be reading, I’m just going to be quieter about it because lately I don’t have a lot to say, and what I do have to say right now is not always what people want to hear.

So I’ll be here, sometimes.  The rest of the time I’ll be working out my shit.  Send me an email or catch me on Twitter or Facebook.

Lately it seems like the Universe is amusing itself by seeing how far it can push me until my head explodes into a million tiny bits.  It appears that when you decide to pursue a path of acceptance and peace, the universe says “Oh, yeah?  Wait til you get a load of THIS!”

Then the Universe throws a ball of poo at you.

Maybe not actual poo, but it still stinks just the same.

And you say, “Ok, Universe.  I got your pooball, and I’m just going to put it over here in the toidy for you.  I know that’s where you meant to put it, instead of on me, and I’m going to help you out.”

So then the Universe rings your doorbell, but when you open the door no one is there.  Except that you smell something and you look down and this time the universe has left a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep.

And you shake your head and say “Oh that Universe is such a silly prankster.  What are we going to do with him?”  And you get out the fire extinguisher from behind the wood stove, where maybe it’s not such a good idea to store it, and you put out the flaming poo bag because at least you were smart enough not to stomp on it.

And then you go sit down and listen to the plinky-plinky music while sipping your hot cocoa and you hear this noise.  beep…beep…beep……beep…beep…beep

And you look out your window and that silly, prankster Universe is backing up a dump truck full of poo, and proceeding to dump it in your front yard.

And all of your friends and neighbors come by and shake their heads and wrinkle their noses and say, “Wow, that’s a great big pile of poo.”  And you say, “Why yes, Captain Obvious.  Yes it is a big pile of poo.  Thank you for admiring my poo because it is a mighty poo.”

And everyone leaves except your bestest friend in the whole wide world, the one who would never leave you alone with the poo, and you stand in the yard and try to figure out what you’re going to do with this much poo.

And you hope that the Universe will be distracted by watching you shovel the poo into wheelbarrows enough that he won’t want to bring more.  Because you think that next time he might bring a trebuchet, or maybe a canon, or some other creative poo-delivery device, and you might just have enough poo already, thank you very much.

I came home from work the other day to find hubs alternately fuming and scratching his head in confusion.

“Just check the answering machine.”

This is Waste Management.  Our records show that your service does not include the type of can you are using and you need to call us at 1-800-DOU-CHEY to change your level of service.  Our service technician took the amount of garbage you are paying for and left the rest.

What?

According to hubs, what he really did is root through my trash, take a couple of bags and leave the rest.  Which leaves me with this look on my face kind of like this ?????????? and also WTFuuuuuuuucckkkkkkkahhhhhhh???

Were I a garbage collector who was pissed that I didn’t get a tip at Christmas, (because let’s face it, we’ve had this same can and this same level of service for FOUR years – it’s not news) I wouldn’t take the time to get out of my truck, paw through a can full of garbage, take what I want, and leave the rest.  I’d write a note and stick it on the can to call customer service for an upgrade, and either pick it up this time or not at all.  This?  Was just weird.

We bought our house from my father-in-law.  When we transferred the utilities into our name we just kept the same level of things and didn’t pay much attention to it.  We bought our own large, green can because the ones he had were at the end of their lives and we’re weird about having garbage cans whose bottoms are falling out.  It has been exactly the same for four years.  The garbage man even stuck a Waste Management sticker on the can two years ago about the direction it needs to point on the curb.  Suddenly we have a pissed off conscientious garbage collector with an axe to grind a list and he’s checking it twice?

That’s fine.  I don’t mind paying for the service I’m getting, I just had no idea that I wasn’t for the last four years.

So I called the customer service at the Waste Management and I talked to the lady about the level of service we currently have versus the level of service we need to order so that we can make the garbage go away.  Because really?  I just want the garbage to go away.  She told me that I was currently paying $11.49 a month for one 32-gallon can.  We have a something-something gallon can that is clearly larger than 32 gallons.  She rattled off this list of prices and sizes and somewhere I stopped listening because who knew there were so many options for trash?

Eventually she told me I can pay $20 a month for a 96-gallon can that they will provide, because my can is not approved and is a safety risk.  After four years of them taking it with no safety issues whatsoever.  Apparently.

But then!

She also told me that with the 96-gallon service I can also put out an additional SEVEN 32-gallon cans!

Oh reaaaalllllyyyy??

So I clarified with her what, exactly, I can put in these cans.  Yard waste?  Yep.  Does it have to be bagged?  Nope.  And it only costs me $9 more a month?

Oh it is so on like Donkey Kong!

That garbage man who got his panties all wadded up over taking my can that was smaller than the 96-gallon can that’s going to be delivered because hubs forgot to put his tip out at Christmas?  Can fuck right off when I line up Big Greenie and the seven dwarfs.  Every.  Single.  Week.

Because here’s the thing: I have a chain saw.  And a cutting torch.  And many, many sledge hammers (don’t ask).  I can make anything fit in a 32-gallon trash can.  I can cut up an entire house and fit it in 32-gallon trash cans because I am just that much of a bitch and it’s been a really bad week.

I have 65-ish trees on my property.  One died and we had to cut it down and instead of paying $30 to haul it to the dump I am going to cut that fucker up with a chain saw and load up 32-gallon trash cans.  I don’t even care that I have to buy more cans so that I have seven of them.

Principle, people.  It’s about principle.  Don’t rummage through my trash and just take a couple of bags because that’s just creepy.  Don’t be passive-aggressive .  Leave a note.  Send me a notice.  Call me in advance and say something like “We reviewed your account, and it’s not right.  We took it this time but it’s the last time until you change your service.”  I respect that.  Be professional, not a dumpster diver.

Anyone have any trash they want to get rid of?  I know a guy.

So I’m a day late with the New Years post.  I’m ok with that!  See, I don’t really make resolutions.  I look back over the previous year and what I accomplished.  I think about what I might like to accomplish this new year.

This year my list is kind of short.

I want to work on my Project 365 all year without flaking.  I’d love for all of you to join us!  The link to the FlickR group is in the Project 365 post linked above.

I want to procrastinate less, but I already started working on that last year.

I’m putting cakes on the very back burner.  I’m not saying I won’t make any at all this year, but it’s not likely unless it’s for someone I love.  Definitely no cakes for pay.  That makes me get out the crazy pants and no one likes that.

I want to read more.  I used to read constantly and now I have a stack of books on my nightstand that have been untouched for months.  Some of them have been there over a year.

I want to study things I’ve been wanting to learn instead of flopping in front of the TV.

I want to continue to choose happiness.

That’s about it.

I’m not going to make goals or blog about going on diets and drinking less and exercising more.  I may or may not do those things, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about very publicly losing a lot of weight it’s that you feel like a giant fraud when you gain it back.  Not gunna do it again.

I feel pretty good about 2010.  I think that’s because I’m in a much better headspace than I have been the past couple of years.  I learned a lot about myself, and one of those things was that I can do a lot of things emotionally and mentally that I never before thought I could. I’m more comfortable inside my own head, and that feels pretty good.  After that?  It’s all cake.

As far as the last few years go, 2009 wasn’t half bad.  It was definitely an improvement over it’s younger sister, 2008, and I’m grateful for that.  I got a lot done this year!

I quested for the perfect Mac and Cheese.

I came up with the weight-loss plan to beat all other weight-loss plans.

I watched my boy turn into an adult.

And graduate from high school.

I went on a hike and took some pictures.

I made a cake.

Or two.

And welcomed a new family member.

I went to a party and was lucky enough to stay with Hilly and hang with Dave and Karen. I met Adam, Britt, Finn, Becky, Faiqa, Bellaventa, Libragirl, Poppy and Dawg, Marty, Ren, LeSombre, Kim, and so many others that I can’t name them all, but every one of them is full of the awesomesauce and all are people I am proud to call my friends.

I didn’t get a chance to write about it because I made this for some friends as soon as I got back.

And last but not least, I’ve spent some time working on me, trying to find out what’s wrong with me, and enjoying the wonderment around me.

I’d say it’s been a pretty good year.  I know I’ve learned a lot this year, even though I haven’t written about much of it.  I’ve learned that I can decide to make a conscious choice to be happy and that it really works.  I’ve let go of a lot of things and accepted other things.  I’ve moved outside some of my comfort zones and challenged myself with new and sometimes scary things, and I’ve lived to tell the tales.

I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for everyone, especially for those who have faced such heartache and loss this year.  Happy New Year, my friends!

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I wish I could spend the holiday with all of you.  Have a very merry!

Do you ever get to the end of a year and wonder where the time went?  We speed through our lives so fast sometimes that we forget where we’ve been.   Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to have a visual record of an entire year?

One of the things on my to-do list this year was to learn more about photography. While I have learned a lot this year, I haven’t been consistent with practice.  Just like anything else, the more you do the more you learn.

I have seen several Project 365 groups and the idea has intrigued me. The basic premise is that you take a photo every day for an entire year and post it to a designated Flickr group. Read more about the idea behind Project 365 groups here.

We all know that I’m not one to jump into an already established group,  and it can be really intimidating to join a group that has hundreds  or even thousands of members, so I decided to start my own.  It will be open to anyone, there are just a few simple rules.

1. Be nice to each other. This is not meant to be a forum for critique unless it’s requested, so I will ask that comments keep that in mind.

2. Put the day in the title of the photo. (ie 1/365 for day one). It doesn’t have to be the only title, but it gives you a timeline and helps keep a record of how your skills have progressed over the course of the year.

3. Take a photo every day. It doesn’t have to be with a fancy DSLR. Point and shoot and camera phone photos are fine too. Use whatever you have at your disposal.  This is supposed to be fun, not expensive.

4. Try to upload at least weekly, more often if possible.

5. Subject matter is purely your own choice, but no naughty bits please. Flickr has a place for that, and we are not there.

There will be challenges to spice things up and to give you ideas when you’re blocked.

If you’re interested, post a comment. The Flickr group link is here. The project starts Jan 1st and goes to Dec 31, 2010, but you can jump in anytime. I hope a lot of you will join in because it will obviously be more fun with more people. I know it sounds intimidating to take a photo a day, but many of you write daily blog posts and I think that’s much more challenging.

At the end of the year I plan to take all of my photos and make a Shutterfly book out of them.

So who’s with me?

My Christmas trees never follow a theme.  They are always a reflection of my family; where we’ve been, what we’re like.

The ornaments don’t match, but if you look closely they do tell a story.

Even if they are just quirky.

Or pretty.

Or remind me of a friend.